Hi, Mike here.
If you’re currently going through a break up or it’s just recently happened… even if it’s been some time, the feelings can linger and the heartache can remain for a long time afterwards.
Don’t fret however. There are things that you can do to help yourself and depending on what you want to achieve, can even get you back in that relationship – If that’s what you really want. At very least, you can get over them if that’s what you’re going for. Even if that’s not what you’re going for right now, it might end up being what you actually choose down the road.
Don’t fret… you can get over them…
You see, it’s entirely within your grasp to not only get over the heartache and the melancholy, but to start living again and start thriving. When I went through my first big breakup, I didn’t understand this at all and couldn’t get myself out of the place I found myself in. I couldn’t see a way out of my situation and I really wanted my ex back desperately. I was in full panic mode and feeling desperately lost.
I felt lost, because it felt like not only had I lost part of me, but my whole life didn’t seem right anymore. Like they were the only thing that kept me going and as if I could barely continue without them. Certainly not in any meaningful way anyway. I was distant at work and couldn’t focus, I didn’t want to socialise with ‘happy’ people. I lost interest in anything remotely interesting in my life.
“I spared no time for friends or hobbies…”
This happens when you allow your partner to dominate your life and you may or may not (like in my situation) be living out of each others pockets. I don’t mean that they’re overbearing, I just mean that you don’t allow room for anything else to grow in your life. I spared no time for friends or hobbies or really any time away from my partner when we were together. I became lazy too and chose to stay in where possible if I felt I could get away with it. Not really living my best life I have to say.
It wasn’t even that I was devoting my precious time to her either. I didn’t show my appreciation enough and I didn’t make romantic gestures really that often either. I was on autopilot for much of it and we weren’t growing as a couple. We were in a rut and looking back, I can see how much I contributed to that situation.
It’s really important to have your own life away from the relationship…
…be it hobbies, sports, socialising with friends separately, maybe even taking classes or running side business. Whatever it is, you need to maintain your own separate lifestyle. You can of course include your partner in these pursuits occasionally, but you need to have something just for you that is yours alone. That way your partner does not land in the awkward position of being responsible for your happiness.
You have to create your own inner happiness and not rely on external things or people. You create your own life first, then you can have a happy and healthy relationship. Besides, having time apart, not only ‘makes the heart grow fonder’ as the saying goes, but you’ll actually have more to talk about with each other when you do next see each other. You’ll be able to grow separately AND together, which makes for a far more fulfilling life for the two of you.
Not only that, you won’t have all that time to become lazy and not contribute to the relationship. You’ll miss them and want to be romantic and spend quality time together. You’ll also have way more fun, again this gives a huge benefit to the relationship. More time for fun and less time for resentment or arguments.
How to get over a break up
So now I’ve talked a bit about how to have a better relationship next time, how do you deal with the heartache you’re currently suffering? Yes Mike, I want to know how to get over a break up. Well, to start with, go and do something selfish for yourself immediately. Whether it’s treating yourself to some new clothes, haircut/style, or something else you’ve been meaning to do for a while but haven’t mustered the energy. This is important.
Next I want to recommend you watch a couple of videos and then read a book that will walk you through all of the steps to deal with what you’re going through. You can find the free videos here and you can also pick up a copy of his book too. It’s called the Magic of Making Up. Don’t let the title put you off if you don’t want to get back with your ex though. It’s well worth going through, just to get over the heartache of your breakup and move on with someone new if you prefer. The author TW Jackson, shows you all the steps for either eventuality. At very least go and watch the free videos and make your own mind up if you don’t believe what I’m saying.
I just want you to feel better as soon as possible and not have to have any pain for a minute longer than you need to. (See the Fast Forward technique he talks about, to specifically help with this) Life is short and you need to move on with your life whichever road you choose. It’s 2020 as of writing this and there’s no reason to put up with prolonging your situation any longer than you need to. If I can help one person through their ordeal, it’s all worth it in my eyes.