What are you doing today to get your ex back?
If you’re anything like me shortly after my first break up, then you may be wollowing in self pity, feeling desperate and pretty much struggling to focus and live your life as you should be. You might be more experienced and actually functioning ok, but still desperately wanting them back in your arms. Whatever stage you’re at in life please know you CAN get your ex back.
*Please note, there is never a guarantee in life when it comes to relationships and humans, but there are things you can do and steps you can take to give you the best possible chance of getting them back.
Accept & Agree
There are things you can start doing today to get you moving in the right direction. First, you’re going to want to come to terms with the breakup. Yes. It’s hard, but it’s a must if you want to move on to the next steps of getting your life back in order. Once you accept it, then you can move forward. Agree with your ex that time apart is the best thing for both of you. Here’s the perfect video explanation of how to do this (It’s the first video on the page).
Avoid all contact
Next you’re going to have to avoid contacting them at all for a while. Yes, I really mean that! No texts, WhatsApp messages, Social DMs/PMs, no stalking their Insta, SnapChat, FB or TikTok pages. No accidentally bumping into them in town. No speaking to their friends and checking up on them and where they’ve been hanging out and who with. If you suspect they’ve been seeing someone, this will be even harder, but it’s important. Just hang fire and start to shift your focus to you.
Time to be selfish
So now it’s your turn. You deserve to be treated right so go and do just that. Treat yourself. Get something nice for you. Go and buy yourself something new, maybe clothes, jewellery, a watch, a haircut, a new pair of shoes… maybe pamper yourself with a Spa treatment. (All of the above if you can afford it!) Whatever it is that you like that you want, just for the hell of it. Go get it! I like to call this, F*** you money 😉
Nurture your other relationships
Now that you’re feeling good after splashing some cash on yourself, it’s time to start nurturing your other relationships. See people you’ve neglected when you were in the relationship. Spend some time with family, reconnect if it’s been a while. Meetup with an old friend you’ve been meaning to see and hangout. Spend time with your friends and do something fun. Organise an activity you can all do. Preferably organise a few different things and build your life how you want it to be. You can get really creative here and there are a lot of different group activities available now. Take time to appreciate what you have with them and make more plans together. It’s really important to get out and enjoy yourself.
Have fun and start a hobby!
Put more into your hobbies, or restart them again if they’ve been on hold. Maybe start a new hobby if you don’t have one or want to try something new. Take up a new sport, martial art or join a new team. Even take an evening class. Something you’ve always wanted to try and never did. Push yourself bit more and get out of your comfort zone if you can. Really go for it and just get stuck in to whatever you choose to do.
Time to socialise
When you’re in a better place socially, start going out with friends and socialise even more, both during the day and night. Have fun with them. When you’re feeling a bit more confident, challenge yourself to speak to new people wherever you are. If you’re out on the town see if you can chat to someone who’s not in your friend group. I recommend definitely spending a few nights on the town or going to parties. If you’re a bit older, go out for a group meal or social gathering – you get the gist. Actually no, if you’re a bit older go and paint the town red. Show them youngsters how its done! Don’t be boring whatever you decide to do. Life’s too short.
By now you should be feeling confident again and having a blast. Hopefully your focus has shifted somewhat and you can hold your own and continue living your life again without feeling so desperate. The next thing to think about, and by now you probably already have (no doubt your friends have already tried to encourage you) is dating. Read this page… Dating – When To Go & What To Do
Time to review your position and feelings toward your ex. If you still definitely want to be with them then you can think about meeting for a coffee or drink during the day. You can initiate this with a brief text asking if they’d like to meet up and go for a coffee. If you do it during the day, this will be easier for both of you to being with. Ideally no alcohol so you can both keep level heads and just catchup. Don’t expect anything to happen on this first meeting as it’s literally just a meeting. Keep it cordial and stick to the safe subjects as per the dating page. Don’t try to push anything and leave any animosity and agendas at the door. Just show that you’re doing well and having fun. Keep it light.
Take it slow
If it went well, ask if they’d like to do it again sometime soon and slowly build on each experience. Then you can progress to a drink in the evening, then maybe dinner/movie etc. Remember to keep it light, fun and no expectations. They’ll notice a change in you and if the dates have gone well so far, there’s no reason it can’t continue until things naturally develop.
I recommend the Magic of Making Up by TW Jackson (whose site I linked to at the top with the Opening Move video). He’s truly amazing and such a kind soul. He’s all about helping you get you back with your ex and helping you through it. He’ll go into full detail and shares his powerful techniques that help at each stage. If you’re not sure, read my review first.
I wish you all the best on your journey and as T-Dub says, I’m rooting for you!