“I’ve met someone else”
Like a knife, slowly and painfully gliding through the atria and ventricles of my heart, the words of my ex managed to break it in to many pieces, almost effortlessly. Ow! That hurt! A lot! (It was a work colleague who she got chatting to at the office Christmas party).
Why are you breaking up with me?
For the longest time I couldn’t focus at work or out of work, I didn’t know what to do with myself or know how to cope with the pain of my newly broken heart. After a short while of this and some desperate behaviour (mainly trying to contact them and get them to come back to me), text messages, calls, social media messages etc. I began to realise nothing was working the way I’d hoped it would.
At this point I was scrabbling around trying to find information to help me get her back and I was glued to my computer screen for hours. I’ve never been good at talking to others about my problems and sharing the pain, so I turned to the internet. The hours became days, which turned into weeks.
I lost a lot of weight doing ‘the break up diet’… basically barely eating.
I didn’t feel hungry at all, but I did start to really feel alive. Alive in a horrible tortured way, but something kick started my mind and body into a state of shock and made me focus on the one thing I thought would help heal me. Knowledge.
I realised I hadn’t been living a proper life where I felt alive, since the first year we got together. (This was 5 years later and I was now 29) I’d just been idling, ticking over in a bubble of false happiness and security, in a relationship that I wasn’t helping or really contributing to in any meaningful way. Yes we’d be socialising and going out for dinner, even a some holidays and long walks, but I wasn’t growing or moving forward and so we weren’t progressing as a couple.
We’d been stuck in a rut. It was obvious looking back.
I’d taken only basic responsibilities, the bare essentials and had taken my ex for granted. I hadn’t appreciated what I had and what had been done for me. I suppose I’d never had relationship advice from anyone and couldn’t talk to my parents and had no close friends that people normally talk to for relationship advice over the years. (I had friends of us as a couple, but no separate personal friends that I felt comfortable sharing things with) Still, that was no excuse for my behaviour. I was responsible for my neglect of the relationship and my ex partner, for not appreciating her. Reading up on the reasons why couples/relationships break up was eye opening and I drew many similarities with how I’d been.
In some ways it was good to know I wasn’t alone in my helplessness and self pity. In many other ways I cringed at my obviously selfish and self-centred attitude and conduct throughout the time we were together. Things started to drop into place. The break up wasn’t something that had happened to me, more something I’d helped to manifest without being conscious or self aware enough.
It was an epiphany for me. I’d woken up.
Looking back, it’s so easy to see and I wish I’d had a guide or a mentor to coach me through my mistakes and correct my course at various points. But that’s not how life works and I’m not sure I’d have even known to appreciate that, or even if I’d have acted upon that information.
Sometimes you need hard lessons in life to knock some sense into you until YOU GET IT! (That was the case for me anyway and it’s a lesson I won’t forget now).
So then I turned to apologising and sending more messages and wanting to meet up to say sorry in person with my new found knowledge and awareness. I must have just been an annoyance to her at this point. I know she was enjoying life, happy to be free from me and going out and meeting new people and partying with her friends etc. (Good for her, she deserved to be happy)
I know she’d been seeing someone as that was what she told me when we split up. It wasn’t serious, just enough to help her make the jump. I won’t lie, that wound me up when I found out they’d kissed when we were together – I became really angry and resentful. I found out who it was. I vented via Facebook message to him. He even responded a few times which surprised me looking back, but I was blind with rage and couldn’t see past it. Eventually I stopped. I was only angry at myself.
I’d hit rock bottom, thankfully instead of him. Thoroughly. Emotionally. Drained.
Sometime shortly after, I came across a website by a guy who claimed to have helped lots (tens of thousands of people) already deal with their breakups. He (TW Jackson or T-Dub to his friends) was even offering to help show me the way to get my ex back in my life again. I couldn’t believe it at first and must have read the entire blog about 5 times. I watched all the videos he’d posted and more and more I thought it looks genuine.
I had to get it…
… (the book), so I did. When I downloaded it I made sure to read through it slowly and carefully along with all the accompanying bonus material. Wow. It was making feel better already. I finally had a plan! I also had an experienced hand walking me through all the steps. On top of that, I had new techniques to help me get over the pain of heartache. It got me working on myself from minute one and showed me how to calm my inner voice, so I could start to move forwards. It was nothing short of amazing and to this day is something I’m so glad I worked through to the end. I learned so much about myself and relationships, I didn’t realise how unprepared I was in my previous relationship. I wish I’d been taught this stuff beforehand. Anyway, I was so happy I’d finally got that mentor I wanted.
A life coach to get me through the tough times.
I started building my life back up as a single person and going out again with friends. I got back into hobbies and doing fun things and even took up golf with a few of us as a group. It was summer and things were getting better. Much better. I worked on my fitness, bought new clothes and reconnected with old friends. I made new friends and had full social life. I didn’t realise how much I’d been missing out on life being in the old relationship. I still missed her and wanted her back, but I had much more confidence and a new found sense of adventure. I was finally living and becoming happy being single and even going on to thrive. I actually went on a few dates which really helped. This went on until one day my ex wanted to see me again.
Yeah… so T-Dub was telling the truth and my ex was contacting me now.
How the tables had turned, I thought. Unbelievable! It really does work.
It was at this point I actually made the conscious decision (after much thought and contemplation) that I didn’t want to get back with her after all. I realised how much better my life was without her and after a period of reflection, how she wasn’t the right person for me. We weren’t really on the same wavelength and I’d met other people who opened my eyes to what I could have. I didn’t want to acknowledge those things during the relationship and so by ignoring them, made a bad relationship worse.
Sometimes its just not meant to be and that’s fine and perfectly ok. People are all different. At least now I knew and I was confident in my decision. I’d finally got the power and confidence back. As long as you’re confident, you’ll be fine and can trust in your decisions. I’ve no doubt that we’d be back together if that was the right decision. Thanks to T-Dub, either eventuality is catered to and helps to prepare you for, so you’re dafe in his hands.
If you’re interested in how to get your ex back, or in need of help and guidance, for either eventuality, then I can highly recommend his book – ‘The Magic of Making Up‘. Whatever you decide to do next, I wish you all the very best with your recovery and future relationship (or single life). You deserve to be happy again whatever you choose, because you do have the choice. You can get your power and mojo back.