Breaking up is never easy. Whether it was a short fling, a long-term relationship, or a marriage, the first few weeks after a breakup can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. Panic, overthinking, and the urge to “fix things” immediately often lead to mistakes that make reconciliation harder or slow down your healing.
I’ve seen it countless times — and I’ve been there myself. That’s why I wrote this updated 2026 guide: to help you avoid common pitfalls and start regaining emotional control.
Some of these tips also tie into my step-by-step guide on what to do immediately after a breakup and my Magic of Making Up review (2026), which goes deeper into rebuilding attraction and approaching your ex calmly.
Here are the top 5 mistakes people make after a breakup — and how to avoid them:
1) Staying Connected on Social Media
Constantly checking your ex’s Instagram or Facebook updates keeps the breakup fresh in your mind and prevents the emotional space you need. Seeing them having fun with friends or meeting someone new can intensify heartache.
Tip: Unfriend or mute your ex temporarily. This gives you space to focus on yourself without constant reminders.
2) Texting, Calling, DM-ing, or Emailing Your Ex
The impulse to reach out is natural — but overwhelming your ex with messages or late-night calls almost always backfires.
Tip: Remove their number from your phone or make a vow to avoid drunk-dialing. Stay busy with hobbies, exercise, or time with friends. Break the cycle before it starts.
3) Feeling Sorry for Yourself
Playing the victim prolongs the pain and keeps you stuck. While it’s normal to grieve, staying in self-pity mode doesn’t help you move forward or rebuild confidence.
Tip: Focus on fun activities, hobbies, and socializing. Explore new interests, meet new people, and treat yourself kindly. Enjoy your independence.
4) Not Eating Properly or Overeating
Breakups affect your mind and body. Skipping meals or binge-eating can sap energy and worsen emotional fatigue.
Tip: Keep a healthy, consistent routine. Try cooking a new recipe, exploring a nutritious diet, or even taking up a food-related hobby. A balanced body helps cultivate a balanced mind.
5) Jumping Straight Into Another Relationship
After a breakup, your heart and mind need time to heal. Rushing into someone new often leads to repeating past mistakes or projecting emotions onto your new partner.
Tip: Spend time alone, reflect, and regain emotional stability. When you’re ready, enjoy dating casually without expecting instant romance or healing.
Are You Making These Mistakes?
Even if you’ve done any of these, it’s not the end of the world. Awareness is the first step to regaining control and improving your chances for a healthy reconciliation.
For a structured, step-by-step guide on what to do immediately after a breakup and how to rebuild attraction, check out my Magic of Making Up review (2026). It helped me regain clarity, calm my emotions, and approach my ex in a more confident, grounded way.
In the meantime, if your emotions feel overwhelming, try this 10-minute calming mindfulness meditation to regain focus and reduce stress.
Remember: taking care of yourself is the single most important step if you want to have any chance of getting your ex back — or simply moving forward with confidence.
Rootin’ for you,
Mike
I don’t know what to do my ex and I have been broken up for a few weeks now after being together for a few months. At first she told me she still wanted to be together but she just needed time and I made the mistake of trying to contact her still and calling and texting her and now she’s blocked me on everything. I left her a gift with an apology letter and said I’d leave her alone but then I got weak and left her voicemails on her phone still. I don’t know what to do because I still want to get back with her but I think I handled it wrong to the point that’s there’s no fixing it. What do I do?
Hey J,
Thanks for stopping by and hitting me up. Sorry I haven’t responded sooner. Sounds like you’re getting some pretty bad pangs for your ex there. I think anyone who reads this can relate to what you’re going through.
If you haven’t already, you really need to STOP trying to contact her. I know…it’s HARD!!! But… she needs space and you’re essentially smothering her, which will only push her further away. You need space too. There needs to be distance and time apart so you can be missed. If not, nothing will change for the better.
This is the time to be selfish and focus on yourself. Start doing stuff you’ve always wanted to do, that maybe you missed out on in the relationship. Get out, do more, see more and try and shift your main focus from her to something completely different (during the daytime at least – if you can get out and keep yourself busy in the evenings too, then do it!). Learn a new sport, hobby, interest, travel somewhere new, meet new people, catch up with people you haven’t seen in a while. Start rebuilding you again to a point where you’re not relying on your ex to be satisfied with your life.
This will help with the immediate stuff at least. Obviously if you want the complete step-by-step hand-holding guide on what to do and when, I can’t recommend The Magic of Making Up enough, but, I want you to get stable first and I don’t want you to spend money you don’t have. If you can’t afford it, then don’t fret. You can still get past this, it’ll just take a bit longer.
I hope this helps a little bit and if you feel like coming back here and catching up, please feel free.
All the very best,
Mike
I did the big bombarding of texts, calls and emails. I feel embarrassed and ashamed of my behaviour as it only made me look like the lunatic.
Hi Julia,
Thanks for commenting.
BELIEVE ME, you’re not alone!!
I think MOST people do this to some degree. I’m sure we all realise you’re not a lunatic. Break ups do strange things to our hearts and our logic.
I think it’s the wanting to find answers mixed with wanting to keep them close. It’s a bit of a strange time when you’re heart and mind are trying to make sense of your new reality and circumstances and struggling to come to any rational conclusion.
Theres a great Ted Talk by a guy called Guy Winch here that explains this much better than I can articulate. Definitely worth a watch!
Well I hope you find peace and happiness on your journey Julia. Feel free to stop by any time and let us know how you’re getting on.
Rootin’ for you, Mike
Need some advice.
Me and my ex have been seperated for about 2-3 weeks now after being together for about 6 months(including the talking faze) we lived together for a month but i had here leave due to some money issues that were going on.
Long story short, another guy was showing her attention more then I was (while i was trying to fix my life situation) and getting with him and told me “you lost your opportunity” – “Someone else was there for me while you wasnt.”
I messed up after by trying to get her to be with me again. Did the whole beging for forgivness thing, calling and texting, going to see her. And after many times of me telling her I would finally leave her alone.. i would end up slipping up 2 days later. (Not anymore though im positive to have no contact!)
Did i screw up my chances ? What should i do?
She gets mad and tells me to leave her be but just responded to my text of me asking her if i could ask her a dew questions about what happened. Not sure if i reply or just forget it.
Hi Martin,
Thank you for taking the time to reply and sharing your situation with us.
Yes it looks like you’ve acted and behaved in exactly the same way as most of us who’ve been dumped before do!! Welcome to the club my friend. You’re obviously still very upset and not in the best frame of mind. Understandable! Yep, a lot of people have been there and lots more will get there at some point.
Don’t fret… just know that as horrible as it sounds it’s a good idea to stop doing what you’re doing i.e. contacting, texting, calling showing up etc. and take stock of your position and think about what may have happened. Generally relationships break up when something is not right or something is missing. Think about it for a second. People don’t tend to run off with other people when they’re all happy, smitten and in love with their partner. Normally something has to be missing or broken or not right for someone else to even have a look in.
Take some time to figure out what you think could have happened in your particular relationship and think about any problems there might have been (on both sides) and perhaps where one or both of you weren’t happy with something. Then you’ll have a better understanding. Do some research on what makes relationships tick.
Then the next big step is to work on yourself and take time for yourself. Get used to being single… it takes time to adjust, but just accept it for now. That’s a hard thing to do. Now you should also be selfish and get some help. Lean on friends and relatives and get out and do things that make YOU happy. By all means take a few days or a week or so to adjust first. But then make sure to start spending time with friends (old and new) take up a new hobby and focus more at work/college/school etc. Play sports or keep fit. Try to eat healthily… it’s too easy to neglect yourself at this point so double your efforts and get stuck into something to keep your energy up and your mind focused in the right direction.
Keep up the no contact thing and no matter how hard it is, stop yourself!! If you’re friends on Facebook or any other social media, unfriend them. Don’t be a stalker and just keep focusing on you. It’s better that you don’t know what they’re doing and help to create a stable position for yourself without extra emotional stress right now.
Then when you’re feeling happy about being single and have a stable lifestyle back, you might start to notice new people or they might notice you. Normally I’d say about 3 months of being single and of focusing on you is enough to get back out there. If not, get out and about more. Start to smile at the opposite sex again and see how you feel about it. IF it feels good you can continue or take stock and ask yourself if you still want to be with that person or if you’re happy with where you are.
If you’d like to try with the ex again I’d suggest asking for a brief meeting, perhaps for a coffee in the day time. Say 30-45 mins max, just to catch up and keep it cool. Don’t go back into the relationship problems at this point. Just catch up and let them know you’re happy (and you should be) and what you’ve been up to etc. They’ll see a difference if you’re genuine. But don’t get into an argument as it’ll undo everything. If you’re not happy then keep up the no contact and continue building yourself back up until you feel happy on the inside. Then an only then should you even try contacting the ex.
From there if successful you can ask for another coffee date the week after. If all was successful on the second meeting you can stay in touch and open a dialogue via text/call if you like. Maybe try a 3rd date if they’re ok with it. Perhaps an evening date this time, but don’t push your luck and try too much too soon. Keep it cool and flirty is fine, just nothing that opens up old wounds.
I hope that sounds like a good start Martin, but do let us know how you get on!
All the best and rooting for ya.
Mike